A sort of poem i've been playing back and forth in my head for a while now. the theme changes every day.

Where i am now the lights never go out.
Where i am now is hours is from where i was
Where i am now i see more than i did before
Where i am now i learn what i want to
Where i am now i learned what i didnt want to
where i am now i learned about myself
Where i was is my history.
Something i cant forget
But where i am now is developing
how i am as an artist
how i am myself
Where i am now is wont be where i am tomorrow
But where i am now, i love.

This started off as a sort of love poem. Where i am now, is not where you are. where i am now....where you are now.....Then it developed into a frustration poem. state of mind. The changing of the poem got me to thinking Where we are physically and emotionally changes, thus my poem did. i often think of it just after i wake up and take a shower. where it seems like i have my free time.
Facts:
I'm ok with grey. it's not just black and white.
I am searching for answers, coming up with questions, and ok with not finding the answers
I'm leaving my options open


I was done. but i'm not. there is one more thing i need to say.
i'm in a different place. so it would appear on the surface.
See i have this prof. i have really been struggling with. I do admit i have learned from her but i'm not sure it is in the way that she intended.
Today as she spoke to the class for the second to last time. Many said how comfortable the were now with their writing. She said how she taught us to look deep into the meaning of plays and writing. That we were taught to start thinking of topics and themes in our papers before we start writing. But see. this wasnt the case for me. i have always been very [BAND WORD] observant when it comes to writing, plays, and movies. I have always thought about what i want to write before starting. My writing process consists of steps that dont have a particular order. Thoughts will pop into my brain and i'll jot them down, or when i'm in the shower were my mind can truly wander, make lists,find what i need to do, find new theories to life and get my idea for the many papers i write. these were things i learned myself. no one taught me. no one told me kelly you need to do this. no. What Lenora taught me was to be more specific in writing, less pronouns, meticulous editing.....but when i write for Lenora i feel like a machine. my words are mechanical. there is no emotion. no imagery. because those are thinking phrases. because i have fear i'm writing it wrong. again. My other writing intensive classes i have changed, to hopefully, a more educated writer.
and as i sat listening to many in my class tell Lenora Brown how they have benefited from her teaching i thought: am i alone here? Did i miss something?
For you see. she treats me differently than others in the class. She pokes fun, which i'm fine with because i'm that type of person. but she goes to the point at which she decides that what i have to say is not actually important. and as she said in this class: "yeah, no. just dont speak"
and yes. it was in a teasing manner. but think of that. Just dont speak. in other words. you never have anything of merit to say.

but it is one more day of class. and three more papers. i'm almost done. and i made it through.